The best ways to pray with children

Posted by Phil

Recently in the prayer class I lead at our church in Oklahoma City, I was explaining to the new children why we take one Sunday a month from their regular lessons to focus on prayer. “We want you to know God, not just know about Him, and hear God, not just hear about Him,” I explained.

Eight-year-old Andrew, who has been in prayer class for several years, piped up to help get the idea across: “It’s like me and President Bush. I’ve seen him on TV lots of times, especially since 9-11, and read about him in the newspaper, and heard my parents talking about him. But I have never had a conversation with President Bush, so I don’t really know him, do I?”

Andrew was exactly right. If we want our children to know God and not just know about Him, we need to teach them to pray and pray with them. Children could do all kinds of worksheets about God and hear stories about Him, but it is when they talk and listen to God that they begin to know His heart.

Children need to know early in their lives that they can talk to God just like they talk to Mommy, Daddy, or a best friend. They need to understand that God is there and attentive to what they have to say. Instead of putting them on hold or playing a recorded message, God is always willing to listen – whether they are on the playground, at a friend’s house, in the car, or at church.

You can pray …

Heart to heart – Share with your child a time that you prayed and received the answer in a surprising or dramatic way.

On the spot – The next time your child comes to you with a problem or worry, instead of saying, “I will pray for you,” do it right then. Even if it is a short prayer, you will be demonstrating the important principle that God wants us to cast the care of all our concerns on Him and pray about everything.

Through the newspaper – Pass out sections of the newspaper and ask each child to come up with one concern to pray about.

Modeling: How to learn prayer

One of the first ways children learn the importance of prayer is hearing their moms and dads pray. Since Josh was born, his dad would pray for him each night at bedtime, asking for God’s protection and love to fill his heart. When Josh turned 2 years old, his parents added a short nightly reading from his Bible. Shortly after age 2, Josh began to join in by looking around his room and naming everything he could see to thank God for – blankets, puppy, Mommy, Daddy, new shoes, toys, the nightlight, eyes, ears, nose. He thanked God for the most interesting items! But it was not only Josh that was growing spiritually. Hearing her son’s simple prayers, Josh’s mom, Sandy, could not remember the last time she thanked God for her sight, hearing, shoes, clothes, and all the other blessings in her life.

Get out of the ruts of prayer

One way to banish the “nothing to pray for” or “prayer is boring” complaint is to get out of the ruts of prayer by using prayer targets and making prayer active. Use a game I call “Musical Prayers.” Place a chair for each participant in a circle. Tape a prayer target to each chair. Begin playing music and have everyone walk around the chairs. When the music stops, each person finds the nearest chair and prays for that need.

Use an inflatable world globe and pass it from person to person. When the music stops, the person holding the globe can choose a country and pray for the children in that country to know about Jesus.

Take your children on a prayer walk. Children are terrific prayer walkers because they enjoy movement and being “on site” makes the prayers more meaningful and concrete. To begin, walk around your neighborhood and ask God’s blessing and salvation on each family. Pray for the children in each home.

Give children the freedom to talk to God in different postures: sitting, standing, kneeling, marching, or bowing. When you have family prayer time, allow each person to choose a different posture in which to pray.

Pray a blessing

Praying a prayer of blessing on your child’s life each night at bedtime (or other times of the day) can bring comfort, reassurance, and hope to your child’s heart. Pray for God’s favor, protection, and peace. Thank the Lord for something specific – a gift, talent, or quality in your child. You can use a Bible blessing such as Psalm 5:12 or Numbers 6:25 or speak from your heart. When you pray scriptural blessings, you are speaking words that match God’s desire for your child.

Thanksgiving

An essential part of prayer is simply saying, “Thank You, God.”

Blessing basket – Fill a small basket with little slips of paper. Encourage family members to write or draw pictures of things for which they are thankful.

Best part of the day – Ask each child to say a sentence prayer, thanking God for the best part of her day.

Family journal – Keep a notebook full of things for which the family is thankful.

As you try different ways of connecting with God, children will learn that prayer is one of the greatest adventures in life – to call on the God of the universe and then to hear from Him. As Jeremiah 33:3 says: “Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and wondrous things you do not know.”

by Cheri Fuller on Tuesday, September 27, 2005


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Conversation Starters: Choose to Change

Posted by Phil

Malachi 3:13–4:6

make the decision to follow God’s ways

Conversation Starters

How can you keep this conversation going at home? Try bouncing some of these questions around at the dinner table, as you’re driving your kids to school or an activity, or even while you’re shopping together:

For Preschoolers
Show me things in this room that are the most special to you. Why do you love that toy/book/person so much? Can you guess what is most special to me in this room? Guess what’s most special to God in this room. (Use this discussion to emphasize that your child is God’s special possession.)

For School-Age
Does it seem like kids who misbehave get most of the attention in school? How does that make you feel? Is it worth it to keep behaving and doing your work even when you don’t always get noticed and rewarded? Why? (Point out from Malachi 3:16 that God takes notice when they do the right thing.)

For Students
How much contact do you have with other Christians during the week? When do you get a chance to talk about God?  How do you and your Christian friends support one another to keep living for God?


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Answering Tough Questions from Kids about God

Posted by Phil

“Hey, Mom?” my son said one day. “If killing is wrong, then why did God help David kill Goliath?” Whoa! My child was only 3 years old! I was not expecting questions like this for at least seven more years. Over the next few weeks, he asked even more questions, such as “If Jesus is God’s Son, then who is God’s wife?” and “So Jesus and God are kind of the same but kind of different. How does that work?

Children are curious. Like it or not, you are going to be faced with tough questions from little seekers. At times, it can be overwhelming. After all, theologians and scholars have been debating the answers to some of these questions for centuries, so how can you be expected to know the answers and communicate them to children in a way that makes sense? The next time you find yourself stumped by a child’s question, keep the following guidelines in mind.

Encourage children to ask questions

When you feel you do not have the time or energy to get into difficult questions, it is tempting to reply with a quick, “That’s just the way it is” or “Because God said so.” But resist the temptation to be flippant or to blurt out responses that ultimately discourage children from asking questions. Children are genuinely curious about their world, and we need to create an environment that encourages them to seek the truth. When you do, you foster a lifelong desire to continue learning more about God.

Communicate at the child’s level

When answering a child’s tough questions about God, always take into consideration his age and maturity level. Use words and concepts that he can understand and that do not cause additional confusion. This may mean that at times you simplify an issue, such as the Trinity or Christ’s incarnation, to its most basic facts.

Do not be afraid to say you do not know the answer

Instead, join the child in discovering the answer to his questions. Feel free to say: “I’ll have to look that up and get back to you” or “I’m not sure how to answer that. Let’s find the answer together.” It is beneficial for children to see that you are not a supreme know-it-all but that you, too, are still learning about God and growing in your understanding of spiritual concepts.

Help an older child look up answers himself

Pointing children to resources available to them lays the foundation for a lifetime of seeking answers to the hard questions. Stock your bookshelf with a good Bible dictionary and commentary. Show the child how to look up the answer and discuss it with him.

Pray for spiritual understanding

A child’s understanding of spiritual matters is primarily influenced by the Holy Spirit. The Bible makes it clear that the concepts relating to God and His ways are not always easy to understand. Pray that the child’s spiritual eyes, as well as your own, will be opened to God’s truths.

My son is now 7 years old and the questions keep coming! But rather than feel frustrated, I look forward to hearing what he asks next, and I am excited to watch him learn even more about God.

by Katrina Baker on Tuesday, September 26, 2006


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Is Santa Real?

Posted by Sharon

I personally do not have children but I do have 3 nieces and 2 nephews who I love like my own children. I could talk your ear off about them, but this is not my chance to do that!  I’ve realized that my brothers and sister-in-laws get to teach them everything in the early years of their children’s’ lives.  For the first several years, they get to determine what their children believe in, what is true, and what will become tradition.

One of those traditions that is upon us in this Christmas season is Santa Claus.  As a parent, you’ve probably heard the question, “Is Santa Real?”  When I was younger, I believed in Santa.  My parents still sign their name on presents as Santa.  At Crestridge, we celebrate Christmas in the summertime and Santa Claus comes to visit.  It’s fun and magical.  I recently read an interesting article by Mark Driscoll that talks about how to talk to your kids about Santa.  I’m sure it is exciting, yet difficult to decide what your approach will be on instances like this; what you are going to teach your children.  There is no one way to parenting but I’d like to pose a few questions:
How do you talk to your kids about Santa?
What personal Christmas traditions do you see as most important to pass on to your children?
Besides giving a present to a family member, what is something you are currently doing or can do to teach your kids about a giving spirit?

Here’s an article I’d like to pass on by Mark Driscoll that is a possible approach in how to talk to your kids about Santa…
http://onfaith.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/panelists/mark_driscoll/2010/12/what_we_tell_our_kids_about_santa.html

We hope you have a wonderful time celebrating Christmas and Christ’s birth with your children!

Sharon Aylestock
Assistant Director, Camp Crestridge for Girls


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Video: Raising Radical Kids!

Posted by Phil

Parents! As we continue to partner with you as you raise your children, we are always on the lookout for solid resources and encouragement from some of the most godly fathers and sons that we know. We hope that you enjoy this 5 minute video with some really great ideas…


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Traditions – at Camp… and at Home!

Posted by Phil

At Ridgecrest Summer Camps, we have a lot of great traditions that have been ongoing since the 1930’s.  One of them, at Camp Ridgecrest, is singing “Tell Me Why”.  Our old brochures indicate that this has been happening for well over 80 years!  At Crestridge, our Council of Progress ceremony has been ongoing since camp started in 1955!

Songs, ceremonies, and other traditions are an important part of camp… and also of families!  They provide a familiarity, a “down home” feeling, a connectedness between the past and the present.  Traditions help to make us more comfortable.

Are you making sure your family has traditions?  I remember as a child, one of our family traditions was to go to the Dairy Queen every Sunday afternoon after Sunday lunch.  We loved the soft serve ice cream, which you couldn’t get just anywhere at the time.  I remember one time my dad letting us get Parfaits in the conical plastic glass cup, which I believe at the time cost 25 cents!  That was quite a treat, as we usually were allowed only the ice cream cone which was 10 cents.  Am I showing my age?

Another family tradition we had was praying before each meal around the table.  You might think that everyone does that, but I don’t believe that happens as much these days as it used to.

Are you providing family traditions for your family?  Maybe you visit the park or do a nature walk with your children on a given schedule.  Maybe you set aside a time for family devotions.  Maybe a tradition started when you were a child has carried over to your family now that you are the parent.   Whatever your traditions might be, find some that work for your family, and keep those traditions.  It will help your family stay better connected, both now and in the future!

Ron Springs
Camps Director
Ridgecrest Summer Camps
November 2012


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A Parent’s Primer on Internet Pornography

Posted by Phil

Parents,

You may think that you already have a good grip on this somewhat uncomfortable topic. As a youth development professional, I strongly encourage you to take a few short minutes to check out this simple article with plenty of optional additional resources. We want you to be equipped…

“The Internet, mobile devices, and other digital technologies combine to create a world in which children and teens no longer have to look for and find pornography. Now, pornography is in the mainstream and it finds them.

As parents called by God to nurture our children through childhood and into a spiritually healthy adulthood, we have the responsibility to be keenly aware of pornography’s presence, its compelling draw, and the impact it has on our kids. When it comes to pornography, what they see and experience now will not only shape them in the present, but will continue to influence them and their relationships for the rest of their lives. Consequently, we must be diligent in preparing our children to understand, process, and respond to this horribly fallen expression of God’s good gift of sexuality in ways that bring honor and glory to God.”

Read more from Walt Mueller’s article.

Phil Berry
Assistant Director, Camp Ridgecrest for Boys
www.ridgecrestcamps.com


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Conversation Starter: I Call on You

Posted by Phil

Psalm 86:1-13,15-16

because of God’s character, He will hear and respond to our prayers

Conversation Starters

How can you keep this conversation going at home? Try bouncing some of these questions around at the dinner table, as you’re driving your kids to school or an activity, or even while you’re shopping together:

For Preschoolers

• When you talk to God, how do you know He listens?

• Do you have any questions about God?

• What should our family pray for?

For School-Age

• Do you believe God hears our prayers?

• Why do you think you don’t always get everything you ask for in prayer?

• What should our family pray for?

• How often should we pray together?

For Students

• What kind of prayers do you think God listens to?

• Do you pray because you want to or because you have to? Do you think that makes a difference to God?

• How can I pray for you?


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Conversation Starters: Pray for Our Country

Posted by Phil

Tuesday is the 11th anniversary of the September 11 attacks. Monday, September 17, marks the 225th anniversary of the signing of the US Constitution. Each night this week, pray specifically for someone or something related to American freedoms, responsibilities, or challenges.

Sunday: Pray for your local fire and police departments, and any officers or firefighters you know personally.
Monday: Pray for American military personnel who are serving overseas and their families who are here.
Tuesday: Pray for missionaries who work in primarily Muslim countries. Check out IMB’s website www.lovingmuslims.org for additional helps.
Wednesday: Pray for your District’s Congressional Representatives and your state’s senators. For a complete listing, go to www.house.gov and www.senate.gov.
Thursday: Pray for the President and Vice President.
Friday: Thank God for the freedom we have as American citizens. Ask God to help us make good decisions as a country.
Saturday: One of the freedoms the Constitution guarantees is freedom of religion. Pray for all pastors and church leaders (especially yours!) as they prepare for a full day of ministry tomorrow.


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Finding the meaning of life

Posted by Phil

Today you are a parent of a precious child living in a world filled with thieves intent on stripping him of his innocence and purpose. Life has a way of providing experiences that can compose a toxic life narrative for a child.

Sometimes what you thought would never happen, happens. Piercing those painful days are moments that alter your child’s views of self, others, and God. And, if you’re not careful, the narrative of your child’s life will contain misplaced punctuation points. Periods instead of conjunctions. Points that stop the flow of life rather than expand passion and connections. Many times a child’s story contains truth with a mixture of misperceptions about self, the world, and God.

The truth is, life is both wonderful and confounding. Much that befalls our children is not preventable. Crises will occur.

How might your child’s view of God be falsely edited by life experiences? How can you as a parent nurture a resilient child who maintains healthy beliefs about life and about God even as he becomes acutely aware of and interacts with a fallen world?

Specific family qualities emerged from research conducted over the past 10 years at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary and the Psychological Studies Institute in Chattanooga. More than 400 families were examined to determine the family characteristics and behaviors that produce healthy families. The research revealed that children within these families are more likely to emerge with core beliefs that serve as powerful tools to interpret life’s inevitable intrusions in a more constructive, life expanding way – interpretations that are consonant with God’s narrative. Yes, it’s a long list. But each of these characteristics contributes to a child’s resiliency in life.

A healthy family …

1. Exemplifies a strong sense of family

  • Has a sense of family unity, permanency, and history
  • Has family rituals and traditions
  • Shares meals and communicates during meals
  • Engages in leisure activities together

2. Uses clear, honest communication

  • Expresses feelings openly and without judgment
  • Discusses goals and dreams together
  • Listens carefully to one another
  • Does not act out anger physically

3. Is open and affirming

  • Engages in positive forms of touch
  • Attends to the emotional needs of the family
  • Smiles and laughs often; shares hugs and kisses
  • Praises one another in public; says “I love you” often

4. Shares a sense of mutuality and support

  • Expresses appreciation for one another often
  • Takes physical care of one another as needed
  • Accepts the eventual separation of the children

5. Demonstrates trust and accountability

  • Honors agreements and commitments
  • Insists that directives to children be met
  • Takes personal responsibility for actions
  • Admits the need for and seeks help when appropriate

6. Resolves conflict

  • Identifies, communicates, and solves problems
  • Couples complaints with positive affective cues
  • Refrains from reciprocating negative behaviors
  • Has a willingness to forgive and be forgiven
  • Resolves conflict quickly (average of five hours)

7. Has boundaries and organization

  • Evidences a parental subsystem hierarchy
  • Has boundaries that are clear, firm, yet flexible
  • Knows family members whereabouts
  • Agrees on family members roles and responsibilities
  • Outlines and enforces household rules

8. Has a healthy view of sexuality

  • Engages in positive forms of touch
  • Has effective, open communication about sexual issues
  • Is sexually attracted to one another (spouses)
  • Displays affection in front of the children (spouses)
  • Is sexually faithful (spouses)

9. Has a religious core and instills values

  • Provides for the spiritual needs of its members
  • Experiences purpose derived from religious beliefs
  • Has parents who teach a sense of right and wrong
  • Seeks divine assistance with family problems
  • Attends a church together regularly; prays together
  • Hears prayers spoken for one another
  • Views marriage as a sacred, long-term commitment
  • Believes that personal efforts can make a difference
  • Views differences as perspectives rather than mutiny

10. Shares time and interests together

  • Spends quality time together in large quantities
  • Has regular parental involvement in family activities
  • Spends ample time at home alone together (spouses)
  • Shares bedtime stories with children
  • Limits time watching television and playing video games

11. Establishes behavior control

  • Establishes clear, flexible rules
  • Provides opportunities for negotiation and alterations
  • Assigns and ensures the completion of tasks
  • Provides consequences for prohibited behaviors
  • Has routines; encourages good habits
  • Disciplines children when needed with consistency
  • Provides guided responsibility for children
  • Accepts children’s assertiveness

12. Meets basic tasks

  • Maintains a psychologically and physically safe home
  • Acquires and manages financial resources
  • Provides for proper nutrition and moderate exercise
  • Makes provision for relaxation and proper sleep
  • Maintains routine medical and dental checks
  • Has a lifestyle free of chemical addictions or misuse
  • Emphasizes education

13. Connects with the community

  • Encourages healthy relationships outside the family
  • Values service
  • Encourages children to participate in peer groups
  • Supports the child’s school activities

Examine the list in light of your current family routine and characteristic behaviors. Select just one or two items that you could implement this month, and build from that point. Research shows that the actual crises that your child will face someday is not the real problem; the real problem is how the child interprets the crises or what the crises mean to him or her.

A healthy family has the capacity to build resiliency into their children. These family structures and behaviors provide foundational experiences for the child to emerge into adulthood and find true meaning in life. Often the seemingly small patterns, such as regular family mealtimes, create healthy behavioral patterns and healthy beliefs that last a lifetime.

No simple formula exists for raising healthy children or creating a healthy family. We live in a fallen world, and we all face the thieves of the night. Yet the long-term effects of intentional acts of loving give us hope.

by Philip Coyle


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