Standing in the Gap

I’ve worked closely with teenagers for the past 11 years. I have considered it my job to know and understand teenagers the best I can. Perhaps the best way to do that, in my opinion, is to be with them. Most would agree that it’s hard to understand a culture that you are not a part of. You can study it, read books about it (or articles like this one), hear first hand accounts of it, and still not have a clear understanding of why things are the way they are. You have to actually be a part of the culture, live with them, experience what they experience, listen to what they listen to, see what they see, and show up in their space….if you want to actually understand them. I considered it a privilege to get to be a part of this culture for many years!

The Parent Factor

Here’s the problem. Eventually, as a parent, you experience that separation from your teenager. You feel as if you can’t show up in their space as you once did, or you will be crowding them. They stop telling you everything. You stop understanding their jokes. And you find yourself missing out, and not a part of their culture anymore. Yes, this is hard.

First, never stop pursuing your kids! Continue to show up in their life and communicate that you love them no matter what they do. When nothing else works, keep showing up.

Standing in the gap

We pray for another caring adult. I am a huge believer in praying for another caring adult who can come along side your teenager. Another follower of Jesus, who can earn the right to be heard by your child. Through shared experiences, this young (or old) adult can break through barriers that seem impossible for a parent. Somehow its just different. Some of you are lucky enough to have incredibly open relationships with your teens. Even for you, the value of these other non-parent relationships with your child is enormous. Pray for these people as they walk along side your child in some of the most difficult years of their life. And remember, as great a relationship as these other folks can have with your babies…they will never replace you as a parent. That is a role just for you.

Be thankful for your youth leaders at your church, or your YoungLife and WyldLife leaders, or even your camp counselors. The Lord uses them in great ways! More than anything else, pray for them and support them. Pray for wisdom and for favor in the eyes of the teenagers they work with…

And while you pray, never stop pursuing your kids and showing up in their space, at their practices, at their games, where they work, wherever they are…

Where do you show up in your child’s space? How do you support them and love them by “just showing up?” Share your thoughts or stories below…

Phil Berry
Camp Director, YoungLife leader and Father

Posted in Just For Parents | Tagged Camp Crestridge, Camp Moms, Camp Ridgecrest, Christian Camps, parent resources, Parenting Teenagers, Ridgecrest Summer Camps | Leave a reply

Right turns on the road to better parenting

Let’s take a look at the steps we can take to get started on the road to better parenting.

1. Teach Christian values. As parents we need to identify, live, and communicate our values. If we value truth and honesty, we must be honest and adhere to biblical standards. We need to believe and teach our teens that the only truth in the world that matters is in the Scriptures. You are deceived, because you don’t know the Scriptures or the power of God (Matt. 22:29).

2. Express love and acceptance of our children. Even when their behavior disappoints us, we must continue to let them know that we love them. Genuine love for our children will grow out of our awareness that we are genuinely loved by God. It’s not always easy, but unconditional love is necessary. We also need to teach our children about God’s love. God’s love is solid and secure. He adopted us into His family, and He knows our needs and will provide them. Your teens need to know and accept these truths.

3. Be consistent with discipline. Our goal is that our children will ultimately become self-disciplined and self-controlled. If discipline does not eventually become internal, no amount of outside pressure to conform will make a teenager a spiritually healthy person.

4. Pray continually for and about our children. God is more concerned for them than we possibly can be, so He welcomes our conversations with Him about them. With every prayer and request, pray at all times in the Spirit, and stay alert in this, with all perseverance and intercession for all the saints (Eph. 6:18).

5. Worship together as a family. Participating in regular worship, both corporately and personally, will move us all toward spiritual health. Again, I cannot hope that my child will grow to be a faithful worshiper of the Lord if I refuse to do so myself. Let worship become a lifestyle for you, and your teens will likely catch it from you. Also, remember that personal and family worship are important as well.

6. Be active participants in the work of the church. Remember to balance your time with your family and in your church activities; but, again, if you want your youth to participate in church activities, you must do the same. Dropping them off at youth activities will not teach them to be faithful church members.

7. Participate in ministries that are designed for you as a parent. Not every church does this, but when a seminar or class is offered to help parents be better at their jobs, be sure to go. It will communicate volumes to your teen when they see that you are trying to improve in your parenting skills.

by Chuck Gartman

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Conversation Starters: Protective Rules

Now that Camp is over, it’s the perfect time to make sure that you aren’t missing opportunities to talk with you kids! We encourage you to always ask you kids questions. In case you hadn’t picked up it, kids love to talk about themselves. Create a culture in your family of talking. The earlier you start, the easier it will be. Here are a few questions we invite you to use…

For Preschoolers:
Help your children know that when they disobey you, they are disobeying God. Very early on, begin to teach your children that your authority comes from God. When they disobey, reinforce the spiritual aspect of their choices.

For Children:
Start teaching your elementary-aged children the Ten Commandments. Let them see these are protective rules God gives to His children. Ask them how these rules are meant to protect us, and connect this to the rules you as a parent give to protect them.

For Students:
Give your teens opportunities to show they can be responsible. As you give them more freedom, ask them how they think your home could be more conducive to spiritual growth. See if they will offer ideas of things the family could do or not do to grow. They may surprise you!

Share with all of us how it went….

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Mission As Life: Is Your Parenting Hitting or Missing the Mark?

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True Love Waits – living with teens

Something to talk about:

by Rachel Lovingood

Alarming statistics remind us that, as parents, we need to work hard to keep our tweenagers from making mistakes that can affect them for the rest of their lives. This is especially true regarding sexual issues. Tweens are developing socially, and that inevitably means interest in the opposite sex. We must equip our tweens to make godly choices, and thereby to resist the influences they constantly receive from the world around them.

Pay attention

The culture of middle schoolers is very sexual – from their music, to the television shows they watch, to their hallway conversations. If you’ve resisted talking with your tweens about sex and dating, then you’re already behind. It’s vital that you keep communication lines open so you recognize when issues need to be addressed. If you’re reluctant to speak openly with your tweens about sex, the world is more than willing to speak on your behalf, and you may not like its message.

If you aren’t sure what messages your middle schoolers have received, watch the television shows that capture their attention, read lyrics to their favorite songs, and check out the websites they surf. You may be stunned.

Read More…

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Marriage in the midst of parenting

Selma and I were married seven years before our first child was born. I thought I knew my wife, but when children entered the picture, I realized there was a lot more “marrying” to be done.

Scripture says our children are a reward (Ps. 127), and ours have been a blessing. But the truth remains: Parenting presents challenges and opportunities for growth in the strongest marriage.

Challenges

• Time:

Depending on their ages, children require lots of time, and rightfully so. Kids grow up quickly, and you need to be fully engaged in teaching, loving, encouraging, and disciplining. But in the midst of the busyness of child-rearing, there needs to be some time for Mom and Dad.

Easy? No. But it’s essential. That short walk together now and then while older brother watches little sister is a must for your marriage during the craziness of raising a family.

• Energy:

Kids are wonderful. They have an unending supply of energy — and you don’t. A wise marriage leader once said tired bodies make for tired sex. And we could add that tired communication, tired arguments, and tired partners lead to an overall tired marriage.

Couples, this is where you’ve got to rise to the challenge. A 30-minute rescue can revive a parent (“Honey, I’ve got the kids for the next hour. You go soak in the tub.”). Maybe it’s a date without the kids or a simple break from the routine. The key is to carve out small bits of time to recover the energy spent on kids. Your marriage will be stronger when you do.

Opportunities

• Communication:

You’ve heard it said, “Always present a united front to the kids.” To be truly united, meet in advance of any family discussion to hammer out just what it is that your parent team wants to present.

For example, if one child feels she deserves a later bedtime than her younger sister, start by discussing it with your spouse. Rather than one parent immediately responding, make it a shared decision. The planned approach provides daily communication opportunities to build confidence in the marriage team.

• Respect:

The parenting years are excellent times to show respect (directly and indirectly) for your mate. Choose to focus on positive attributes of your mate when speaking to the children. Let them know how crazy you are about their dad or mom. Statements like, “Isn’t it cool that Mom spends a lot of time with you?” or “What other dad would take time off to watch his daughter’s tennis match?” communicate a powerful message to your children — and to your spouse. Whether or not your mate is present when you give the compliment, the respect you communicate is obvious.

• Modeling:

One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a healthy marriage. Parenting gives you numerous opportunities to show off your marriage to your kids. And it builds confidence in your relationship.

As your kids see you and your spouse working hard to clearly communicate with each other, working through conflict and forgiving each other, holding each other, or going on a date without them — they witness a growing marriage. When the time comes for your child to find a mate, he or she will most likely emulate what was modeled.

• Spiritual Closeness:

No couple has done this parenting thing perfectly. The wisest thing you can do together is to present yourselves to the Lord. One night Selma and I were on our knees, praying in our bedroom, when Jennifer (then in high school) walked in. She later shared with Selma what a strong impact that experience had on her.

Don’t miss the opportunities that come with parenting. Rise to the challenges, and let God grow your marriage in the midst of raising children.

This article is courtesy of HomeLife magazine.

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Family Connection: Your Stories

Your children may have many questions about the Bible that challenge your knowledge, but one thing they can’t stump you on is your testimony! No one can argue with the story of how Jesus changed your life. Unfortunately, many parents never tell their salvation story to their children. Give your kids a glimpse into the most important moment of your life.

This week, find a time to share your story with your children. Considering the age of your children, craft your story to talk about three things:

1. Your Life Before Christ
2. Conversion
3. Your Life After Christ

You will be amazed at how your story will impact them in a deep way. It will show them that your faith is alive and not just a religious checklist.

Share your story this week! And if you would like, tell us here at Camp how it went in the space below…

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Strength in Numbers – Moms!

Have you ever thought, I wonder if other moms feel …? However you finish that sentence, the answer is yes. The journey of motherhood is exciting, scary, lovely, and challenging. Which is why we’ve created .MOM—a weekend that will encourage and refresh you, connect you with other moms, celebrate motherhood, and draw you closer to Christ.

An event designed for you…Sept 23-24th…

Read more about this event…

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Local News Correction: Not Camp Ridgecrest for Boys!

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3 Ways to Clear Up Misconceptions About God With Your Kids

Each summer at Ridgecrest Summer Camps we hear lots of campers who have misconceptions about God. We’d love to share with you parents some of the things we’ve learned…

Here are three examples of how you can use everyday objects to help correct some misconceptions your kids may have about God.

The OnStar God. When you get in trouble along the road, press the button, get help, and once the crisis is averted, move on your way. Ask your children, “What’s wrong with people thinking of God this way?”

The iPod God. Some people pick attributes of God like they download individual songs instead of the entire album. Ask your children, “Where can we get our beliefs about God? Is it how we feel? Is it something else?”

The Video Game Score God. With a lot of video games, the score you get on one level determines whether or not you can advance to the next level. Is that how God will decide whether or not you can go to heaven when you die?

Do you have any good analogies like this to share? Post them below and help the rest of us out…

Posted in Just For Parents | Tagged Camp Crestridge, Camp Ridgecrest, Conversation Starters, parent resourses, Ridgecrest Summer Camps, Talking to your kids | Leave a reply